I have woken up on the wrong side of the bed every single day for a month. I am cranky. I am tired. And quite honestly I am burnt out. I started burning lavender incense in my house, and as the lavender burns the ash slowly starts to fall to the table. I feel that on a deep level.
You don't have to have known me all that long to know that my life can be a string of unfortunate events. I say this jokingly, but I have been burnt out for a long time. Any said stability I felt has seemed to trickle away in the past couple weeks as Mitchell has begun to work night shifts. To all the women whose husbands work night shift, I see you and I hear you. You are lonely and tired. You, like me, are frustrated.
I am writing because on Sunday morning my brakes failed. Not like failed in the crash your car sense, but it takes my car ten times longer to stop than your car after I put all my body weight into the pedal. I woke up Monday morning, waiting for Mitchell to get home to say hello before I headed to yoga. Pluto, our three month old puppy, peed in the bed. I wasn't even mad. I just cried a little and threw everything back into the washer for the second time this week. I totally forgot to eat breakfast. When I got home I took my car to the mechanic. I should have so done this about four weeks ago. My dashboard is lit up like a Christmas tree.
I called an Uber from the mechanic, well really because I didn't want to have to inconvenience anyone to drive me to work. I climb into this silver Kia with a man old enough to be my grandfather. His name is George, and his silver Kia is cleaner than my car was when I bought it. It smells like Italian leather- if they even use leather in Kias? I thought that was only a feature for Lamborghinis.
For the next twenty minutes, George and I talk about literally nothing important. Storage units, apartments, and festivals. I even laugh. I usually don't even talk to my Uber driver. We get stuck following a crane down the road making my trip take longer than normal.
I needed that car ride. I felt the Lord speaking to my heart. Be still. It forced me to sit still for a minute and enjoy a simple conversation. It allowed me to sit back and gain a position thankfulness. I have a car, though it might be in the shop. I have a very sweet and loving husband, though we are adjusting to a new, and slightly hectic schedule. I have a body that is healthy enough to practice yoga, even though I broke my sternum six months ago. I have a heart that can love deeply and freely. Praise the Lord. All the things that are so extremely stressful, well, in the big picture they are only temporary.
Almost a week later, my car is still in the shop, but Jesus, He showed up. The mechanic put me in a rental, which is brand new Jeep, all on their dime until my car is fixed. I laugh in amazement. I am driving this pimped out, fresh off the lot, 2019 Jeep Cherokee. I am soaking this moment in before I comb back in my 2007 RAV4. I am reminded that the temporary is wasting away, but my faith, well it is continually being refined for His glory, even through frustration. Let me continue to gain a frame of thankfulness.
How are you being refined?
What are you thankful for?